Parenthood?

Before I had children, I never wanted to have them. The thought of having to care for someone else completely terrified me and honestly, I wanted to live a life of total freedom.

Some people are never meant to have children, and that is ok. Many people do not want them, and that is ok. For many people, they do not want children for a variety of reasons: body changes, less freedom, money issues, the horrific state of the world, etc. All of these are valid reasons. We should never make someone feel like they are stupid or less than us for not wanting to have children.

People should stop asking others when they intend to have children. It is no one’s business. Women are more than just babymaking factories. Before I had children, people were constantly asking me when I wanted to have kids. I would have to respond with “Never!”

Now I have two beautiful daughters and I would not change it for anything. They are my world and I am so happy that I have them. My husband and I have even discussed having another.

Women should not be made to feel like they have to have children. Being a mother is not easy. You give up a lot of freedoms, sleep, money, parts of yourself they hopefully you get back. I love being a mother; however, I completely understand why someone would not want to be.

The Daily Struggle

Depression is something that I have been struggling with for quite a while now. Some days it is almost too much to handle. It all started when I developed horrible chest pains and severe nausea a few years ago. I was unable to work and stayed home for a couple months. Feeling helpless and not being around people threw me into a depressive state. I began to have thoughts of killing myself and even had a gun to my head.

Things got better when I met my now husband. However, after I gave birth to my second daughter, the depression came back. I am still struggling with this. Some days I am fine, but other days the feelings of wanting to kill myself come back. Will I ever be good enough? Do my daughters deserve better than me? Would everyone be better off if I was gone? These thoughts are constantly going through my mind.

Anytime someone has something bad to say about me or they hurt my feelings in some way, I feel like what’s the point in living if no one can ever say something good about me.

I have dealt with a lot in my life: miscarriage, physical and mental abuse, rape, etc. All of these things have led me to this point.

However, there is a reason that I am still here. My daughters and my husband are my world. I love them more than words can express and I have to be here for them. They make me see that I do have a purpose. I hope to make a positive impact in their lives and in the lives of others.

It is important for those dealing with depression to find a reason for their lives. We all have a purpose and we must discover that. Talking to people with depression doesn’t help them recover, helping them find a purpose is what matters.

Alone

I have always found it difficult to talk to others. Not just because of shyness, but the fear of being rejected or feeling like what I have to say does not really matter to others. I feel more myself when I am around one person that I really connect with rather than a group of people that I am not extremely close to.

I am creating this blog in hopes of finding people that relate to me and that truly care about what I have to say. I have been wanting to do this for a long time but have always been stopped by fear.

We all have our own stories and I am going to start sharing mine. I am going to share the good and the bad experiences that I have had in my life. I hope that people can relate to me and that this will help them be more open with who they are and what they want to do with their lives.

So many people have lived through horrible experiences that make them feel alone. The truth is, we are not alone. Many people have had similar experiences to us and we need to find those people and connect with them. This is my hope.

Trouble makes us one with every human being in the world – and unless we touch others, we’re out of touch with life.

Oliver Wendell Holmes